HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize