This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize