I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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