i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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