So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
