If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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