you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
