So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
