And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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