Apparently you make a good broom.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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