yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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