Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
