we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
