Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
