she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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