i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
cat food counts as protein by the way
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize