So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
