we need to drink 2009 down the drain
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
