i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
