he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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