Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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