I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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