im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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