some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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