I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
