Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize