He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
