about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
