that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
