i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
