You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
