Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so let's talk penis.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
