I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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