Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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