The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
