Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
