I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
