Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
