So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
