I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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