I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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