Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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