We're facebook friends in real life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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