This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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