From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
