I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
birth control should be required to get into college
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
