your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
