So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize