I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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