wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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