I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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