I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
