I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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