i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
