if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
