i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The best revenge is premature balding
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
