Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
