I look better un-naked...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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