Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
wow bdsm is so cute
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
