Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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