The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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