If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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