If i come over, it means nothing
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
