I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
