Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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