There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
